Shyness - Working on overcoming it.

I am shy...painfully so actually.  This statement surprises absolutely no one who knows me.

I've been shy my entire life.  I don't like doing presentations in front of people - even though I need to sometimes in my job.  I start panicking and turn into a babbling fool.

Meeting new people is a horrible experience for me as well where I seem to leave my brain anywhere but where it should be.  I become quiet and can't think of anything intelligent to say.  To top it off, I'm allergic to alcohol so I can't even use that to help me be able to have a little more confidence

I don't do anything that's out of my comfort zone for fear of doing something that would make me look stupid.  I am hard on myself and looking stupid is almost like the end of the world for me.

Seriously, this has been terrible during my entire life.  I was a child and was afraid of going to a friend's house and knock on their door.  I wouldn't go anywhere alone because what if I needed to talk to a stranger?

I did get a job in customer service at Canadian Tire when I was 16.  For some reason, I was ok with dealing with strangers at the cash, probably because I felt like I was the one in control however wrong that may be.

In the past couple of years, I've been thrown into situations I would normally avoid.  I've been interviewed on the jumbotron at a Sens Game.  I've participated (albeit not willingly) in a promotion for Golden Palace Egg Rolls, again at Sens games.  I've called in to a radio to play a game and ask my favorite NKOTB member a question.  I've met my favorite NHL hockey player and actually didn't run away.  I've been to various Ottawa twitter events on my own. In the past couple of months,  I've driven places I'd never been to in order to volunteer for a BBQ charity event and at a charity golf tournament.  I've met many new people and guess what, I made it through relatively unscathed.

All these things may sound small to anyone else, but for me, they're a victory. 

Not sure exactly what happened, but I'm glad I'm slowly taking some chances.  I'm not expecting things to change overnight (considering some of the above things happened over 2 years ago), but I'm glad my comfort zone has expanded if ever so slightly.

I'd like to thank everyone that has a hand in helping me with this.  Family and friends have tried for years and I'm finally understanding that even if I do look silly, it's really not the end of the world.

Two people have been a big part of helping me with this problem recently and I wanted to single them out.

I'd like to thank the Ottawa Senators PA Announcer/radio host for helping me along a little...even though he probably doesn't realize it.  Stuntman Stu as he's known around Ottawa has been part of many of the above examples where I was drop kicked into the middle of a situation totally out of character for me. (radio and Ottawa Senators related) Instead of running away like I usually would, I stuck around for it.  There's no real reason for it, other than no matter how much of a fool I might look - I know he's probably done worse...way worse ;)

Also, my friend Spencer or @charityforcheo on twitter has also managed to get me to go to events and drive there on my own even though I didn't know where I was going.  It was for charity, but for the 38 previous years of my life, I'd never done anything like that.  Only this year I managed to get off my a$$ and do something different.  Thank you Spencer and keep up the great work you do for @KidsPlaySafe.  You're amazing!!!  :)

To everyone else that has any part in helping me become a new me - thank you. I appreciate your patience with me.  You are all great.  I'm hoping that I haven't stalled and will keep going with the progress.

It's possible - difficult, but possible :)

Julie / @Flip_4

The "Alfie situation"

It's now been a few days since Alfie has signed with the Detroit Red Wings for this upcoming season.  The shock has worn off for me and I'm ready to move on to next season and cheer for the Ottawa Senators.  I've read many blogs/comments/twitter posts about it in the last 4-5 days and see hate for both sides in this situation.

Here is my opinion, whether you like it or not.

Unless you were in the room with Bryan Murray and Alfie's agent, or unless you are a family member or close friend of Alfie's, you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED!!!!

I understand that in situations like this, people feel the need to blame someone for what happened.  It's easy to point a finger at the Sens for "low-balling" Alfie, or to blame Alfie for taking his ball home and leaving after being insulted.  Honestly though...does anyone really know what happened to make Alfie decide to go play somewhere else?

Can you really blame the Sens?  Can you really blame Alfie?

Unless you can give me solid facts for what happened between the end of the Sens playoff run and Alfie signing with the Red Wings, I refuse to blame anyone.

I'm not going to cancel my season tickets because I think the Sens mishandled the situation, because I don't know that they did.  They went in to a negotiation expecting to get a deal done and they were blindsided.

I'm not going to burn or throw out my Alfie jersey because I think he made the wrong decision.  The decision was his to make and he had every right to make it.  Just because you work for a company for 20 years and they treat you like a king, doesn't mean you're obligated to retire with that company.  You make the choice you feel is right for you and will make you happy.  You're not in Alfie's mind, you don't know what he's thinking.

Sure, I'm not happy with the way it all happened and I was as shocked as anyone else in Ottawa when the announcement was made.  I actually refused to believe it until it was officially announced and even still hoped it wasn't true until I heard the interviews.  I was sad, shocked and disbelieving of the whole situation.

I'm really not sure how I will react to seeing him in a Red Wings jersey next season, or how I'll react in his first game in Ottawa against the Sens.  I do know that I want the Sens to beat the Wings every single time they play them next season AND I want the Sens to beat them in the playoffs.  I want Alfie to be proven wrong.

I hope this year's team takes this as a challenge from Alfie to the Sens.  He doesn't think we're good enough, let's show him that we have just as good of a chance as Detroit to win the Cup.

It's now up to the veterans on this team to fill up the hole left by Alfie in the leadership department.  Phillips, Spazza, Neil and everyone else need to step it up.

I'm excited at the upcoming season and I can't wait to see what the team will be able to do.

In the meantime, I'll fondly remember the good times with Alfie in this city and wish him well in his career...just never against the Sens.

February 13, 2012 - Sad day in my life

I was sitting at home, late evening, on my computer, going through pictures of Chris Phillips' 1000th game and the celebration when I got a phone call from my sister.

She told me my grandmother, dad's mom, was taken to the hospital and my dad was going to meet her.  My mom was waiting for my aunt and uncle to pick her up to take her to the hospital too.  I think I knew at that time it wasn't going to turn out well.

I went to my sister's house to wait for news with her.  I really didn't want to be alone and being with family is the best thing at times like this.

It really didn't take too long, an hour maybe, and my mom called us to tell us the bad news.  My grandmother had died.

I swear, everything just stopped in that instant.  I'd never lost someone close to me before and didn't know how to react, feel, what to do.

I stayed with my sister for a little while, not sure if we even spoke. She wondered how to tell her daughters that they'd never see grand-mère again.

I eventually went home and just thought of my grandmother and everything she meant to me and how much I was going to miss her.

The next few days were pretty much a blur.  Spent lots of time with family at home, the funeral home and church.  It was all so surreal.   I thank everyone that offered us support during those difficult days.  If I never told you, thank you.

Now a year later, I still can't grasp that it happened and just how quickly.  I'd seen her not long before and she seemed fine to me.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  She asked me when I was going to find someone and get married.  She wanted me to be happy.  I told her that I was happy being single and on my own.  It brings a smile to my face when I think back on that conversattion.

I talk to her sometimes and I know she's watching over us.  I'm sure she was silently supporting my dad during his recent battle with prostate cancer.  I wish my nieces and nephew would have had more time with her.  I have so many great memories of her.  She showed me to make "Pudding Chomeur" when I was younger and I made it this year thinking of her.

I will never forget all the good times I had with her.  All the clothes she made us, the quilts, the slippers, etc.  I still have a lot of those things at home and they have even more meaning now.

They say (who's "they" anyway) that the first year is the hardest.  I do believe that, but I'm not sure how it can really truly get "easier".

I know she joined my grandfather after many years without him and they're both looking out over the family.  Two wonderful Angels!

Je t'aimes grand-maman!!! 

One year ago today - Meeting Chris Phillips

One year ago today, February 10th, I had the opportunity to meet my favorite hockey player.  Chris Phillips.

I've been a fan of Chris' since he was drafted by the Ottawa Senators in 1996.

During his first season with the Senators in 1997-1998, he became one of my favorites along withWade Redden.  Within his first 2 season, he surpassed Wade as my favorite Ottawa Senator player and quickly eclipsed Martin Gélinas as my all time favorite NHLer.  For those who know me, that's pretty big!

Over the years, I've been able to have him sign 2 jerseys that I have bought with his name on the back.  The first time, he was surprised that I had his name on the jersey and the next time, he thanked me for it.  You'd think that I would have actually talked to him during one of those two times, but you'd be terribly wrong.

I'm an insanely shy person and have trouble articulating any kind of thought under normal circumstances, then throw in the fact that he's my fave and that just makes me unable to formulate a complete sentence.  Heck, I probably could barely say hi.

I've had the opportunity and pleasure of meeting and talking to his wife Erin on multiple occasions prior to my meeting Chris and she's always been very warm and gracious towards her husband's crazy fan.  She'd help me buy some of the charity autographed items (trying to find Chris' for me).  She's never made me feel uncomfortable.

On this day last year, it was the unveiling of a timeline in the 100 level concourse of ScotiaBank Place of Chris' 1000 game career with the Ottawa Senators.  He'd played his 1000th game the night before.  How did I get myself invited to this event?  It's all thanks to the Senators' PA Announcer, Stuntman Stu.

I'd been emailing/tweeting Stuntman Stu for years while he hosted various radio shows in Ottawa.  I'd also had the opportunity to meet him before several Ottawa Senators games as I'm a season ticket holder.  On the day following Chris' 1000th game, I wrote Stu an email telling him just how happy I was for Chris and how proud I was to be a fan.  Chris scored 2 goals on the previous night.

I wish I still had this email because I'd like to see what I wrote.  I'm sure it was gushing and unbecoming of a 38 year old, but who really cares.  Something in the email made him send it to Cyril Leeder, President of the Ottawa Senators and that is how I got the invite.

I hurried out of work and went to print out a picture I took the night before to get it autographed.  I met Stu at the arena and off we went to the unveiling.

Erin was first to come over and say hi and she was followed by Chris.  Stu introduced me and to be honest, at this point, I'm sure I said NOTHING!!!  Yes, that's right...nothing.  My brain froze and I must have looked like an idiot really.  Chris was so nice and signed my picture and then Stu took my camera to take a picture of us.

I might have managed to say hi and thank you, but I'm pretty sure that was all I said.  Despite that, it was a great experience and to be part of an event like that was amazing.

I made up for it a little bit a couple weeks later at an autograph signing where I forced myself to say more.  What exactly I said then?  I'm not really sure, but it was full of babbling, especially after he actually recognized me and said my name.   

He now recognizes me and says hi when he sees me, mostly at his restaurant Big Rig.  I'll never forget this day.  It was so much fun.

Thank you to Erin and Chris for being such great people!!

NHL Hockey 2013!!!

I wanted to wait a couple of days before I wrote this post because I wasn’t sure how I’d truly feel, but now that the season has started…

WOOHOO!!!!

I’m so happy about it.   I watched the Sens game on Saturday vs Winnipeg and went to their home opener on Monday!  I wore my Chris Phillips jersey to work as I always do on home game nights.  There were some negative comments, but mostly they were positive!!

When I walked into ScotiaBank Place that night, even before the gates opened, it was like coming back home.

That might sound odd but I’ve had season tickets for 12+ years now and spend a lot of time at the rink, but, other than a concert a few months ago and a Season seat holder event last week, I hadn’t been in the building since April.  

I got my ticket scanned by the same person who’s been doing it for years.  The same people were standing at the gate selling the 50/50 tickets.  I loved it!

I walked around the lower concourse a few times and absorbed the atmosphere.  There was excitement all around.  I saw Cyril Leeder and he looked really happy to have the season start again.  I also saw and spoke to our PA announcer, Stuntman Stu.   It was all just very familiar.

I went up to the upper concourse where my seats are located and saw some other familiar faces.  The same people were working in the concession stand behind my section when I went to buy my food.  They were happy to be there. 

I walked through the tunnel to go to my section and felt the same excitement I always have on season opening night.  When I got to the end and saw the ice and the HD scoreboard, it struck me just how much I had missed it and was looking forward to this day

I walked up to my seats where some of the “old guard” were already sitting.  All season ticket holders I’ve gotten to know in the past few years, but hadn’t seen in months.  It was a family reunion of sorts.  Contrary to what people believed, they were all excited about the game and upcoming season.

The anticipation grew as the time to puck drop got closer.  I looked around and saw the crowd getting larger and larger.  There were so many fans, just happy to be back; so many children looking forward to seeing their idols again.

The HD scoreboard had multiple montages showing highlights of the past seasons which served to make us even more excited than we already were.  Then it started….

Stuntman Stu started announcing our 2012-2013 Ottawa Senators team one player at a time.  The biggest cheers and ovation of course reserved for our captain, Daniel Alfredsson.  I got chills I tell you.  I cheered extra loud for Phillips, as I always do.

There was a ceremonial puck drop featuring our Owner, Eugene Melnyk and a double lung transplant recipient, Hélène Campbell.  She is such an inspiration to many out there. 

We were then treated to Lyndon Slewidge singing the American and Canadian national anthems.  Sens fans know who he is.  Again, I got chills.  On a side note, I did not recognize him without his hat.

Then the moment we were all waiting for, the actual puck drop and start of the game.

It certainly didn’t take long for the crowd to get into the game.  They were cheering for the saves and the goals.  They jeered ex-Sens players on the Panthers team and they complained about Jason Spezza…one part I had almost forgotten about.  For the record, I’m not one of those complainers, I happen to love Jason.

The music was great and Stuntman Stu was on his game, not showing any rust after an 8 month break from PA announcing.

All in all, I left the arena after the game and couldn’t have been happier.  It does help that the Sens won, but the whole experience was fantastic.

I guess no matter how mad I was at the situation, I still love hockey and the Ottawa Senators and I don’t really think that will ever change.

Now on to a packed season!!!

New project - Scarf

Yesterday I wrote about wanting to learn how to crochet this year and hopefully be able to make myself an afghan.

I was derailed a little last night when I decided that I was doing something else.

About a month ago I bought a "ruffle scarf".  I'm sure you've all seen them in all kinds of different colors.  For the past week I've been looking for my scarf but haven't been able to find it anywhere..  Instead of going out and buying another one, I decided that it might be good to learn how to make it.

So, yesterday I went on YouTube and found a video showing you how to knit the scarf using special yarn.  I had already bought this yarn a while ago but hadn't gotten around to trying to use it.  I thought it would be difficult and take me a while to get it completed.

After about 4 hours of knitting, here is my new scarf.  It's around 5 feet in length and oh so cute.  It really wasn't hard to knit either once I got the hang of it.

I'm really very proud of myself.  I actually finished a knitting project which I had never done before.  I'd started many, but never go around to finishing any of them.  (mostly doll blankets as my knitting skills are about as limited as my crochet skills)

Maybe I'll make some for my family and friends.  Any request?? ;)

Now that I have my ruffle scarf, I will go back to learning how to crochet.

See you all next time

Julie / @Flip_4

New Year, New Project

I read a blog post by Gail Vaz-Oxlade the other day about how she taught herself to knit one day to keep herself busy and to keep her brain active.  I decided that I would do the same thing.

 My new project is crochet.  I learned how to about 30 years ago in grade school and we made an octopus.  That was my one and only crochet project and it was for 2 months when I was 9.  Needless to say, I was not an expert when I stopped and so I was starting as if I’d never done it before.

Last night, I went to Walmart and bought a nice little “How to crochet” kit and some yarn.  When I got home, I managed to crochet a square by using a simple “Single crochet stitch”.  It’s an odd looking square because I wasn’t counting the stitches and actually dropped some, but that’s ok.  As a newbie on the first night, I don’t think I did too badly.

For the rest of this year, I will be teaching myself how to crochet.  My book and youtube are wonderful learning tools.

I’d love to crochet myself an afghan by the end of the year, but maybe a should start off smaller, like a scarf or dishrags ;).

In the meantime, I’ll continue making little squares with the different stitches I will be learning and then I’ll learn to read a crochet a pattern.  Then I’ll consider the afghan.

All this from going on a financial advice site. 

You never where you will find inspiration.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress

Til next time…Julie/@Flip_4