Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Fear of the unknown

These past weeks since September 12th have been long, long, long.

The reason is that we're waiting for results for my Dad to tell us just how bad this cancer is.  The worst part of it all is the fear.

Fear of the unknown.

At least if we knew, we could deal with it.  Currently, all we know is that he has prostate cancer.  We don't know the severity nor the treatment that will be taken.  All we can do is wait until October 4th.

I have to tell you that for me, the waiting is the worse.  It helps to have friends, work and for me, the Jordan Knight concert tomorrow (Oct 3rd)...a blessing in disguise since it will keep me from sitting at home alone the night before the results, just worrying myself silly.

I have felt the fear almost every day when I have just too much time to think.  Today, it was while driving in to work.  The fear was just overwhelming.  I KNOW all the stats, I KNOW that it's the most treatable cancer, but I just can't stop the fear.

As bad as I feel, I can't even imagine how my Mom and Dad are feeling right now.  I've caught some glimpses of it a few times in the past 3 weeks, but I don't think my Dad is really letting us (his daughters) see just how scared he is.  It breaks my heart.

Of course, I try not to show my fear to my parents either, they need to see that I am strong and can handle things if they need to turn to me for support.  I will be there for them no matter what.

I really just want October 4th to get here as quickly as possible.  I want to know what my Dad is facing and how we will deal with it as a family.

I want the fear to go away!!!

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