Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Who am I?

Yes, my name is Julie and I was born in Ottawa.  I work at the government, am a big Sens fan and love my family and friends.

That’s not what I meant by the question though.

What I did mean is that…I don’t know WHO I am.  For many, many years, I've been hiding.  Hiding behind excuses, behind fear, behind shyness, behind my weight.  

I haven’t known how to act around people or how to be comfortable in new situations.  I'm shy and awkward and it makes things difficult.

I know that who I see in the mirror, is not who I am.  The real me is somewhere inside, but I’m not sure how to find her.   My weight issues are only a small part of it, I am sure of that.  I won’t magically be happy if I lose the extra lbs.

I want to be able to see myself and be satisfied that I’m the best me I can be…inside and out.

Yes, I love helping friends and family, volunteering and giving as much as possible to charities.  If I had a lot of money – most of it would be given away to deserving people…but that’s only PART of me.

Self confidence?  Self-esteem?  What’s that?  I’m not sure if I’ve ever had it, but I know that whatever I did have was buried down really deep after a certain abusive relationship.  For the better part of 20 years, I’ve let that relationship and what I went through define me.

I was driving in the car today and decided that I need to find the “Real” Julie.  The one that has energy, loves to have a ton of fun, will stop being so picky and start going on dates for fun.  The one who can have a conversation without letting the shyness get in the way.  The one who won’t be saying “I can’t” all the damn time!!!

Not sure how I’ll find her.  I don’t know what I have to do…but I know I NEED to find her.  I’m sure it will be hard but I also know I have a ton of FABULOUS friends who will be helping me along the way.
I hope that once I do find the real Julie, I will finally be satisfied and happy.    J

Til next time



  1. You will find her, may take some time but you will. Have fun and enjoy yourself finding the "real" Julie, she is in there :) If you ever want to talk or grab a coffee or maybe Big me know k.

    1. Thank you!! I appreciate it. We def should go to Big Rig sometime :)

  2. Julie, that is one of the most beautiful blogs I've read in a long while. Being honest with ourselves takes courage! I've been part of the media world since 1990 and I still feel challenged in the self confidence department. Am I a good enough parent, friend, worker, community activist, etc.

    My focus is always torn. I do the best I can in any given moment. I've learned to laugh at myself A LOT!!! Especially when I screw up.

    Happiness is a journey. Learning to be happy in any given moment and finding a silver lining to everything. I do my best not to make assumptions, and to take nothing personally. One book that helped me a great deal is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. There are many I can recommend that you might connect with, when you're ready. Maybe you're already familiar with some of them.

    We all must do what is best for us. What brings us that feeling of joy and passion. I am captivated by the diversity in life and all the different things that bring people together but that can also divide them. I admire passion in people regardless of whether it is something I want to jump on board.

    You Julie, are an inspiration. You are beautiful and giving! Sharing this with the world and giving yourself permission to ramp up your life is beautiful. You deserve so many wonderful things. I admire your strength! You have real guts. Thank-You so much for being you! No one can do that better!!! Hugs, K

    1. Wow...thank you so much Katherine for saying such great things. I'd love to hear about your book recommendations. I'm not really sure where to start with all of this - but I know that the "real" me is there...somewhere :) You're awesome!!!