That’s not what I meant by the question though.
What I did mean is that…I don’t know WHO I am. For many, many years, I've been hiding. Hiding behind excuses, behind fear, behind
shyness, behind my weight.
I haven’t known how to act around people or how to be
comfortable in new situations. I'm shy and awkward and it makes things difficult.
I know that who I see in the mirror, is not who I am. The real me is somewhere inside, but I’m not
sure how to find her. My weight issues are only a small part of it,
I am sure of that. I won’t magically be
happy if I lose the extra lbs.
I want to be able to see myself and be satisfied that I’m
the best me I can be…inside and out.
Yes, I love helping friends and family, volunteering and
giving as much as possible to charities.
If I had a lot of money – most of it would be given away to deserving
people…but that’s only PART of me.
Self confidence? Self-esteem? What’s
that? I’m not sure if I’ve ever had it,
but I know that whatever I did have was buried down really deep after a certain
abusive relationship. For the better
part of 20 years, I’ve let that relationship and what I went through define me.
I was driving in the car today and decided that I need to
find the “Real” Julie. The one that has
energy, loves to have a ton of fun, will stop being so picky and start going on
dates for fun. The one who can have a
conversation without letting the shyness get in the way. The one who won’t be saying “I can’t” all the
damn time!!!
Not sure how I’ll find her.
I don’t know what I have to do…but I know I NEED to find her. I’m sure it will be hard but I also know I
have a ton of FABULOUS friends who will be helping me along the way.
I hope that once I do find the real Julie, I will finally be
satisfied and happy. J
Til next time
Julie/@Flip_4
